Vacations

My husband and I had a vacation scheduled last week in Reno. I had only once been there, about ten years ago, and it was only in transit. My impression of the city had not been very positive, but since both children were scheduled to be out of town, I thought that even a week in a hotel in a city I didn't appreciate would be better than haranguing myself daily over the amount of work I had not yet accomplished at home. The hotel he booked us in looked lovely online, and had my favorite amenity – a spa. So, I resolved to spend some money while I was there, and to enjoy myself as much as possible. Since my husband intended to accomplish some work at the local office, I thought this was a reasonable plan.

Well, as always, plans didn't work out as we had thought. I loved Reno, I spent more money than I originally planned to, my son's plans changed dramatically, and my husband has redefined the word vacation. To him, it is now officially "An opportunity to work in new and exotic locations." And work he did. A nine day vacation for me turned into seven and a half days of work for him. I worked on my novel, while he worked on business documents. I closed my eyes and meditated in the lounge chair near the private pool in the spa while he answered email in the chair next to me. I attended a mandala meditation seminar and drove for hours through the beautiful hills to the west of Reno while he finalized and perfected a presentation. I sat with his sister in law in the wilds an hour west of the city and watch the moon set and the glory of the stars appear while he got on a plane and flew to Phoenix.

The best part was that he didn't grudge me my enjoyment one bit. The worst part was that once we got home, I realized I brought a norovirus with me (and was sick for two days), and now, on the first light work day he's had in months, he's in bed with stomach cramps. His vacation will be laying in bed, at home, in pain, for a couple of days.

What, then, was the point of the vacation?

To put it succinctly, the point of the vacation was the change in perspective. Each of us knows where we live, who surrounds us in our day to day lives, and drives the route to and from home without necessarily seeing what is there. I reveled in the beauty that is the desert, and the untamed wildness of the surrounding areas. I rejoiced in the brief opportunities to share those vistas with my husband. I found myself appreciating the retail establishments not found at home while driving past them (my husband appreciated the "drive past" aspect more than I). For my husband, the opportunity to eat at his favorite fast food restaurant made up for a great deal. He got to spend time with colleagues he enjoys, and to have fun even as he worked too hard. He had the freedom to play back jack or baccarat without worry (or risk of winning great deals of money).

When we returned home, I caught myself marveling at the natural beauty that surrounds me, and the farms and pretty homes and gardens in our neighborhood. I found myself enjoying the brief drives around town, going to the library, going to the store, and running other errands. Cleaning was less arduous than it had been previously.

The vacation had granted us that moment away from our usual lives that was necessary to rediscover the joy that's always there. It's nearly impossible, it seems, to take that step back and view ourselves from the outside. At least, it's nearly impossible when we live our lives the way our society and culture guides us to. The idea of constantly moving forward, striving for achievement, working for some nebulous future, and improving our financial situation consumes our every waking moment. I'm not saying that these things aren't important – not at all. I like my creature comforts, and dearly appreciate my life every day. I'm saying that we should also strive to create a balance between what we need to function effectively in the society we've chosen and what we need to function effectively within our own skin.

A vacation should give you the opportunity to slow down, to stop running. Even if you find yourself racing through Disney World, jumping on rides, and eating cotton candy, if it takes you outside and allows you to look back in peace, then it's a vacation. Even if you find yourself laying in a hammock on a crowded noisy beach with tourists everywhere, it is a vacation if you find peace. The luxury we're looking for can be found within, if we support each other's search and allow it to be found. If we love each other enough to trust that each person will find their own perfect balance, and don't try to impose our vision of perfection on them, the ultimate vacation is found.

In the current economic climate, many people are opting for "staycations". This, too, can give the perspective you crave, if you allow it to happen. The trick is to allow. Choose your experience, your surroundings, your state of mind with care and reverence for your soul. Five minutes of peace and relaxation is so much better for you than five days of agony while traveling. If, like my husband, you are better able to relax if you take work with you, then do it. I will tell you honestly that we are both much happier when he does. Years ago, I would be angry and resent the work, and he would get up at two in the morning and have put in a full day's work by the time I woke up at ten. Neither of us were served in this, nor were our children. If I am to allow peace for myself, I have to allow him the same right. This also is true for my children, although I'll confess that I get really tired of the television and computer games.

Allow yourself to choose and plan a vacation that soothes your soul, and nourishes the souls of those you share the time with. Allow yourself to laugh when all plans go awry. Be patient with yourself, and with your loved ones when peace is difficult to find. Forgive those who will annoy you in airports, parking lots, amusement parks, hotels, and retail establishments. Notice I said "forgive" not "forget" -- none of us really has the right to impose our bad moods on anyone else, nor do we have the right to expect others to apologize for things out of their control (although it makes us feel better when that apology is expressed). Everyone has bad days. What we do with the feelings coming out of those bad days will create the atmosphere of our vacations.

Allow yourself to be patient and to be true to yourself. Remember to take at least five minutes every day to simply be by yourself and breathe. Allow yourself to indulge in a moment of thought, reflection, and planning when the mood strikes. It's your money, your choice. Allow yourself to simply succeed on your own terms, to live in peace, abundance, and joy. One day, one decision at a time, remaining aware of your choices and your feelings. You CAN get there.

And, as always, if you need help, I'm available. It's what I do, and it's what I love to do

Sharon.

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