Learning to Trust

"Trust your gut." We've all heard this before, but what does it really mean? "Follow your instincts." "The first answer is the right one." We've all heard these before too. But, take a really good look at yourself and what these mean to you. Do you use these in your life?

Do you trust your instincts? In all situations? More importantly, do you trust your heart?

"Do what makes you happy." is another quote we've all heard. Many would counter that this is just an excuse to be selfish. The statement is absolutely not intended this way. But, when you equate love with pain, or happiness with sorrow, then how do you make choices that not only truly make you happy or create joy in every area of your life?

Wouldn't you rather trust yourself so that you can trust those around you? What benefits might it have in your life? What problems might you encounter?

I have had my problems with trust over the years. I have felt I couldn't trust my family with my heart, my co-workers with the completion of our mutual projects, or my friends with my secrets. Even my Mother told me "You don't need to tell him everything" once when we were discussing my (then new) husband. I was horrified -- then learned I didn't want to tell him everything, because I didn't trust him fully with my mind, heart and soul.

But when I realized I had trust issues, I started digging deeper, and discovered I didn't even trust myself. This trouble starts for most of us when we are taught to believe in something as children, and are then encouraged to maintain that trust even in light of evidence to the contrary. We start to question our own judgment. We stop trusting our instincts. Have you ever noticed how a child will sometimes draw away from strangers? And then be forced into close physical contact with that stranger? How did it make you feel?

We've all had that experience -- on the new job, when we meet a co-worker who is lavished with praise from our new boss, but we just get a bad feeling about. Then, they proceed to betray us over and over, but you can't report their behavior to the boss. Think about the insane things we do to protect ourselves in those situations, then think about how they poison our other relationships on the job.

The same sorts of things happen within families and with friends. So, you learn to either deal with their betrayals and are circumspect in your dealings or you keep hoping they'll be worthy of the trust you think must go with love, and keep getting hurt. Neither one sounds very good, does it?

In dealing with these same friends and family members, we can also consider the flip side of the relationship. Do they trust themselves? What are they afraid of? Are they hurting you so that you can't hurt them? Do they, too, suffer from a sincere lack of trust in the many areas of their lives?

Speaking of my husband, we spent another long night in the emergency room this weekend. At midnight, he woke, extremely nauseated -- to my horror, he threw up coagulated blood. We were in St. Louis, on a date night trip, so we had to find a hospital locally that participated in our health care plan. I ran a flashing red light on a small side street trying to follow his directions (yes, I got a ticket). But in my defense, his hand was no longer clutching his stomach -- it was over his heart/left side. Consciously, I barely registered that fact. Subconsciously, I was screaming in fright.

We finally arrived at the hospital, and they were respectful and thorough throughout the inital intake interview and registration processes. While we were waiting, they took him in to take blood and have additional conversations -- we waited over an hour to be taken in to the ER itself. But when we did go in, we were obviously in the high-risk area. Eight hours later, we finally left. They had been worried it was a cardiac event -- it seems instead to have been a serious upper GI issue. Throughout the entire experience, my conscious mind stayed focused on the gastro-intestinal issues. Why?

Because at some level, my subconscious mind wanted me to stay absolutely calm through the process. It allowed me to trust the medical professionals, which enabled me to help be supportive and calm for my husband. He knew the situation, and was aware of my relative stability despite the situation. It was like a calm, steady voice was inside of me, reminding me of love and hope, the entire time.

As I've learned to listen to the quiet voice inside of me, I've had wonderful instances where I simply made right choices effortlessly. The more I think about things, the more I try to analyze them, the more I interfere with that ability.

The other personal story I'll share with you happened this week, too. One morning, I woke at 3:00am, believing I heard five beeps, like a truck backing up. My mind kept telling me to get out of bed, but I resisted. It was a ridiculous hour and I was comfy. Finally, I gave in and got up. For some reason, I walked out of my bedroom out onto the landing. There, I smelled what seemd to be toast cooking. Going downstairs to investigate, I discovered the microwave running, empty. I quickly shut it off and turned off the power to the machine. Listening to that little voice may have saved my life, and those of my family.

So, how do you cultivate the ability to trust yourself? After all, haven't we all messed lots of thing up in our lives?

Of course we all have. But, we have also made lots of "right" choices over the years. Start by noticing and acknowledging that which you do right in your life. There will be a great deal. Then, notice where you "always" make the wrong decision, and try seeing what you usually choose then change your choice. Learn to see what you do right, reward it, and watch to see this happening in other areas of your life.

Making "right" choices and learning to trust yourself based on these choices is a habit you can get into.

So, what can you gain? Peace, calm and a sureness of understanding when it comes to your heart, mind, body and soul. Understanding yourself and your motivations better enables you to allow others to grow at their own pace, and to improve your relationships with others. What can you lose? Fear, inflexibility, a need for control, and rigidity. You lose your commitment to losing, to being a victim, and to always being hurt.

Which appeals to you?

Listen to your heart, and choose.

Allow yourself to be patient and to be true to yourself. Remember to take at least five minutes every day to simply be by yourself and breathe. Allow yourself to indulge in a moment of thought, reflection, and planning when the mood strikes. It's your life, your choice. Allow yourself to simply succeed on your own terms, to live in peace, abundance, and joy. One day, one decision at a time, remaining aware of your choices and your feelings. You CAN get there.

And, as always, if you need help, I'm available. It's what I do, and it's what I love to do.

Sharon.

Hypnotherapy can help you to think healthier, happier, and more successful thoughts while adding the power of relaxation to your life. As you go through your day, you feel better and perform better.

Contact us to learn more about how hypnotherapy can you propel you toward a healthier, happier lifestyle.

Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, in any form, does not diagnose, treat or cure mental or emotional problems, and is not a substitute for other professional help.