Coach Sharon's Newsletters for 2010

Greener Grass

"When I grow up, I'm moving to... (insert exciting city of you choice here)." "I can't wait to get out of this town!" "I love visiting (insert country here). They've got everything right!"

Have you said those phrases, thought them, or heard others exclaim them in moments of anxiety, depression or anger? Have you found yourself stressed by the demands placed on you because of your history, that of your family, or others who no longer matter to you?

Have you found yourself wishing for a divorce from your job, your home, or your life?

At times, we find ourselves wishing for greener pastures, or perceiving that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Is this perception correct or even fair?

As I type this, I'm sitting in the lovely warmth that is San Antonio in the summer. I'm discovering that I really miss Texas -- the heat, the dry air, the strange mossy color all greens seem to have here. Was I wrong to move away? Should I return? If I return, will I lose the many lessons I've learned through the last few years? Does any of this matter?

Oh, there are days I miss this dry heat, and there are many days I miss the shopping that is available in the major cities of the US. I've had the chance to live in or near New York City, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Dallas and St. Louis over the years. Each time I've moved, I've moved to something new, something different, and each area has had its beauty, its advantages, its ugliness and its challenges.

So, even as I sit here in the lovely early morning sunshine, surrounded by the familiar accents of Texas and her immigrants, enjoying a wonderful homemade breakfast salsa with fresh tortillas, I imagine moving back. Or moving to somewhere similar when my children are older. Would it be the right move? Would I resent having a first name basis relationship with my exterminator again? Would I continue to resent my father's refusal to fly to visit me?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to just up and move, to someplace new or to someplace familiar? What keeps us from moving? What keeps us from appreciating what we have? Why are we so restless?

I've moved quite often in the last thirty years, mostly in the last twenty. In each case, by the time I move, I've set down roots, made friends, and established a place for myself. Then, life happens, and I have to leave it all behind, and I find a new home. Generally speaking, it takes me as much as three years to find my spot in my new world, despite its natural beauty, and I've gained weight in the miserable time until I find that place. The weight is then lost.

I've always hated that excess weight. It's a horrible visible reminder of unhappiness. So, as soon as I am happy again, I allow myself to symbolically shed the loneliness, longing and sorrow and emerge from my chrysallis of mourning.

And when I emerge, as I always do, I see the beauty of the place in which I find myself. Better yet, I have wonderful places I can visit that I still can love, but no longer long for.

Instead of desiring something I do not have, I find the joy in what I do have. This is not the old Irish saying of "I do not want what I do not have." To me, that saying was always an angry rejection of the thought processes and lifestyles of those who had more. Instead, I learn to embrace what I have, and to see the beauty in the world.

So when my teenaged children's frends complain about their lives and wish for the excitement of Los Angeles or New York, I hold my tongue about the harsh realities of those places and allow them to talk of their plans. Some will go, some will stay, others will experiment with leaving home using their college years.

My answers are not necessarily theirs. To me, home is where you find it. It's taken me a long time to discover a person within myself that I could like, respect and honor. I may or may not be unusual in that, but I am no longer lonely when alone. I no longer agonize over the grass on the other side of any fence, or long for home. The homes I might long for are memories of areas now long since built up from bucolic to crowded, peaceful to active, isolated to bustling. Not one of them is the home I remember.

To be truly at home is to be able to love yourself no matter where you are, or who you're with. It is to be comfortable in your own skin, and to have the audacity to change that which no longer works for you, just as I've put down the last tortilla and am instead eating the salsa with a spoon.

It's time to shed my cocoon of protection and to emerge into my life, renewed, reinvigorated and happy for the change. I have a wonderful life, no matter where I am. Today, I'll just be a bit more sunburned than yesterday.

And that sounds like heaven.

Allow yourself to be patient and to be true to yourself. Remember to take at least five minutes every day to simply be by yourself and breathe. Allow yourself to indulge in a moment of thought, reflection, and planning when the mood strikes. It's your life, your choice. Allow yourself to simply succeed on your own terms, to live in peace, abundance, and joy. One day, one decision at a time, remaining aware of your choices and your feelings. You CAN get there.

And, as always, if you need help, I'm available. It's what I do, and it's what I love to do.

Sharon.

Hypnotherapy can help you to think healthier, happier, and more successful thoughts while adding the power of relaxation to your life. As you go through your day, you feel better and perform better.

Contact us to learn more about how hypnotherapy can you propel you toward a healthier, happier lifestyle.

Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, in any form, does not diagnose, treat or cure mental or emotional problems, and is not a substitute for other professional help.