Coach Sharon's Newsletters for 2010

Waiting Patiently

"Good things come to those who wait." I remember hearing that phrase from my mother as a child -- and fairly often. Looking back, I realize now that her frustration was typical of most mothers when dealing with their teenaged children. I was no more impulsive than most girls my age, but I was definitely less patient. Honestly, waiting patiently for others remains a challenge for me at times.

Today, I'm waiting for a superb handyman to stop by, assess a possible job and give me a quote. It's now nearly five in the early evening -- I had asked him to stop by at one in the afternoon, and when I called at one-thirty, he promised he'd be here by three. I am faced with a choice: get annoyed and deny him the job, or wait and see if this normally reliable professional shows up.

Have you experienced the frustration of not getting what you want when you want it? How do you react? How do you change the situation? How do you get out of your own way and experience the success you crave?

How do you forgive when others fall short of your expectations?

In the past, I was fairly harsh and unforgiving when my expectations are not met. Some realized the shift in my opinion towards them; others did not. As I grew older and gained more experience and understanding, I learned to be more forgiving, at least to others. When it came to myself, it was rare that I would be forgiving.

After all, I was the only person who was responsiblr for my actions, and only I could control them, right? Well, until recently, not always. I allowed myself to make choices that went against my better judgment or nature in order to make others happy. In my teens, I would choose clothing that pleased my mother, studies that would make my parents proud of me, and restaurants that would suit others.

I scrutinized every choice, and every option, in the harsh glare of my expectations of others' demands and desires. Never, in either my guesses at their needs, or in my implementation of those choices, did I feel happy, fulfilled, rewarded or correct. Instead, I was miserable, lonely, frustrated and aggravated that I simply couldn't stand up for myself. Worse yet, standing up for myself often meant hurting others, deliberately or otherwise.

How many of us do this to ourselves? Place the needs of others above ours until we not only resent them, we forget ourselves completely?

Is this what we are here to do in this life? Live unauthentically, in unhappiness, shame and unworthiness?

When combined with the not-so-patient waiting I've spent my life doing, it began to feel like this was a less than desirable outcome for someone with so many dreams. I waited to meet a man my mother liked (that never happened, by the way). I waited to have children. I waited to start discovering myself and my dreams. Even now, I find myself waiting -- for prosperity, for joy, for the future, for so many things.

I still believe that postponing short-term gain for the long-term results is the best choice. But, at this age, I now need to put forth the question: am I in the middle of the end of short term or the beginning of the long term? How do I tell the difference? When do I stop waiting and realize the fruits of my labors?

Even as I asked that question, I realized that the time is now. Every time we ask that question, the answer is now. When is the best time to study for that exam? Now. When is the best time to look and feel my best? Now. When is the best time to tell those I love how I feel? Now. When is the best time to start taking care of my health and that of my family? Now.

Last week, I spoke to the complications associated with vacations in my marriage. In the past, my husband would experience extreme frustration, anger and unhappiness during our vacations. What caused this? He wanted his family to enjoy themselves, but on his terms and in the way he expected. We never lived up to his hopes or expectations -- it's not that we didn't enjoy ourselves, we just didn't act the way he wanted us to. And therein laid his problem.

It wasn't until he set aside his frustration and allowed himself to communicate openly with us, his family, that we discovered this. As he went through this process, we all discovered something about ourselves. And, we all had the opportunity to change, which made all of us better.

Can you find your blind spots in your life where you either do not give yourself or those you love enough credit or leeway? Can you find the places in your life where you ignore yourself completely and sacrifice yourself on the altar of others' needs?

Are you willing to let these aspects of your life go?

Oh, and the handyman? He finally showed up at seven this evening, after a number of unexpected setbacks that involved a crawl space with no cell phone reception. I decided to forgive him and to award him the job. After all, it's how I would want to be treated.

Allow yourself to be patient and to be true to yourself. Remember to take at least five minutes every day to simply be by yourself and breathe. Allow yourself to indulge in a moment of thought, reflection, and planning when the mood strikes. It's your life, your choice. Allow yourself to simply succeed on your own terms, to live in peace, abundance, and joy. One day, one decision at a time, remaining aware of your choices and your feelings. You CAN get there.

And, as always, if you need help, I'm available. It's what I do, and it's what I love to do.

Sharon.

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